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Explanation in video
Hi everyone, John here! Today, we’re diving into a topic that touches many of us, even if we don’t always have the words for it. We’re going to talk about how our bodies and minds react when we go through something really tough or scary. And as always, my wonderful assistant Lila is here to help us break things down.
Lila: Hi John! I’m ready. This sounds important, and maybe a little intense?
John: It can be, Lila, but understanding it is the first step to feeling better. We’re talking about something often called ‘trauma responses’. It’s all about how our amazing bodies try to protect us.
So, What Exactly Is “Trauma”?
Before we jump into the different ways we react, let’s get a basic idea of what ‘trauma’ means in this context. Imagine you experience something deeply upsetting, overwhelming, or frightening – it could be a one-time event or something that happened over a period. This experience can leave a big imprint on your mind and body.
Lila: John, that makes sense. But when people say “trauma,” it sounds so… clinical. Can you simplify what happens in our bodies?
John: Great question, Lila! Think of your body having a super-sensitive alarm system. When something dangerous or terrifying happens, this alarm goes off full blast to help you survive. That’s a good thing! But sometimes, even after the danger has passed, the alarm system can get a bit stuck on ‘high alert,’ or it might go off too easily when something reminds you of that past event. That ‘stuck alarm’ feeling is often what we’re talking about when we discuss the ongoing effects of trauma.
Our Body’s Automatic Defense Squad: The Four Responses
When that internal alarm goes off, our bodies have some pretty standard, automatic ways of trying to protect us. These aren’t things we consciously choose; they’re more like built-in survival instincts. Experts often talk about four main types of responses. Knowing them can help us understand ourselves and others a lot better.
Lila: Automatic, you say? So, it’s not like we’re deciding to act a certain way when we’re scared or overwhelmed?
John: Exactly, Lila. These are deep-seated, instinctual reactions wired into our nervous system. It’s your body trying its best to keep you safe in a moment of perceived threat. Let’s look at them one by one.
1. The “Fight” Response: Facing the Threat Head-On
The fight response is when your body prepares to confront the danger. Think of an animal puffing itself up to look bigger and scarier.
- What it might look like: You might feel angry, irritable, aggressive, or defiant. You might want to argue, shout, or even become physically confrontational. It can also show up as feeling a need to control situations or people.
- Why it happens: Your body is flooded with energy (like adrenaline) to give you the strength to overcome the threat.
- Moving towards healing:
- Recognize when you’re in “fight” mode. Are you clenching your fists or jaw? Is your heart racing?
- Find healthy ways to release that intense energy: physical exercise like running or punching a pillow (safely!), or even just some vigorous movement can help.
- Practice calming techniques: Deep breathing, counting to ten, or stepping away from the situation can give you space.
- Learning to express anger constructively, rather than explosively, is key.
Lila: John, you mentioned “adrenaline.” Is that like the rush you get on a rollercoaster?
John: Precisely! Adrenaline is a hormone your body releases that gives you a burst of energy and alertness. It’s super helpful in a real emergency, but if that “fight” response is triggered too often, you can feel constantly on edge.
2. The “Flight” Response: Escaping the Danger
If fighting isn’t the best option, your body might decide that getting away from the threat is the safest bet. This is the flight response.
- What it might look like: An intense urge to run away or escape the situation. Feeling anxious, restless, or panicky. You might avoid people, places, or conversations that remind you of the difficult experience. In daily life, this could look like constantly staying busy, workaholism, or even ending relationships abruptly.
- Why it happens: Your body is again fueled by adrenaline, but this time to help you flee to safety.
- Moving towards healing:
- Acknowledge the urge to flee without judgment.
- Practice “grounding” techniques to bring yourself into the present moment.
- Lila: “Grounding,” John? What’s that?
- John: Good one, Lila! Grounding means anchoring yourself to the present. You could focus on your five senses: name five things you can see, four things you can touch, three things you can hear, two things you can smell, and one thing you can taste. It helps your brain realize you’re safe now.
- Create a sense of safety in your environment.
- Gradually, and perhaps with support from a therapist, you might work on facing avoided situations in small, manageable steps.
3. The “Freeze” Response: Playing Possum
Sometimes, if a threat seems too big to fight or too fast to flee from, the body might just… stop. This is the freeze response, like a deer in headlights.
- What it might look like: Feeling stuck, numb, or unable to move or speak. You might feel detached from your body or your surroundings, like you’re watching things happen from a distance (this is sometimes called dissociation). It can also manifest as difficulty making decisions or feeling ‘spaced out’.
- Why it happens: This response can be a way to become less noticeable to a threat or to numb overwhelming fear or pain. It’s like your system temporarily shuts down to protect you.
- Moving towards healing:
- Be gentle with yourself. This is a powerful, protective response.
- Encourage gentle movement back into the body when you feel ready: wiggling fingers and toes, stretching, or slow, mindful walking.
- Use your senses to reconnect: Hold a warm mug, listen to calming music, notice textures around you.
- Remind yourself that you are safe now (if that is the case).
- Somatic therapies (body-based therapies) can be very helpful for the freeze response.
- Lila: John, you said “dissociation.” That sounds a bit scary.
- John: It can feel strange, Lila, but it’s another way our mind tries to protect us from overwhelming feelings. Imagine your mind putting up a temporary shield. The goal with healing is to gently lower that shield when you’re truly safe, so you can feel more present and connected again.
4. The “Fawn” Response: Appeasing the Threat
This is a response that’s gained more attention recently. Fawning involves trying to please or appease the person or source of danger to avoid conflict or harm. Think of it as trying to pacify a threat.
- What it might look like: People-pleasing, having difficulty saying “no,” ignoring your own needs to take care of others, feeling overly responsible for others’ feelings, or trying to anticipate what others want from you. You might struggle with boundaries.
- Why it happens: If you learned early on that keeping others happy was the best way to stay safe or avoid pain (especially in relational trauma), this can become an ingrained response.
- Moving towards healing:
- Recognize your people-pleasing patterns.
- Start to identify your own needs and feelings. This can be a real challenge at first!
- Practice setting small boundaries.
- Lila: “Boundaries,” John? Can you give an example?
- John: Absolutely! A boundary is like an invisible line you draw that tells others what’s okay with you and what’s not. It could be as simple as saying, “I can’t talk right now, but I can call you back later,” or “I’m not comfortable discussing that topic.” It’s about respecting your own limits and needs.
- Work on self-compassion and understanding that your needs are valid.
- It can be helpful to explore where this response might have come from.
A Few Important Things to Remember
Lila: Wow, John, that’s a lot to take in. It seems like we can react in so many different ways. Can someone experience more than one of these?
John: That’s a very important point, Lila. Yes, absolutely! It’s common to have a primary response, but you might use different responses in different situations, or even cycle through a few during one event. Some people might lean heavily on one, while others might use a mix.
Here are a few more key takeaways:
- These are normal reactions to abnormal events. There’s nothing “wrong” with you for having these responses.
- Healing is possible. Understanding these responses is a huge first step.
- Be kind to yourself. This journey requires patience and self-compassion.
- You don’t have to go through this alone. Talking to a trusted friend, family member, or a mental health professional can make a world of difference. Therapies specifically designed for trauma can be incredibly effective.
John’s Thoughts
You know, learning about these trauma responses was a real eye-opener for me many years ago. It helped me understand not just big, obvious traumas, but also how smaller, repeated stresses can shape our reactions. It’s a reminder that our bodies are incredibly wise, always trying to protect us. The path to healing isn’t always easy, but understanding is such a powerful tool for compassion – for ourselves and for others.
Lila’s Perspective
Lila: This makes so much sense, John! I think many people, myself included, sometimes feel confused or even ashamed by how they react in stressful situations. Knowing that these are common, automatic survival responses makes it feel less like a personal failing and more like, “Okay, my body was just trying to help.” It’s actually quite empowering to have this knowledge!
John: Well said, Lila! Empowering is exactly the right word. We hope this explanation helps you all understand yourselves a little better. Take care, everyone!
This article is based on the following original source, summarized from the author’s perspective:
The 4 Trauma Responses: How To Recognize & Heal From Each