Ever Wonder What Makes Someone So Easy to Be Around?
Hi everyone, John here. Welcome back to the blog where we break down big ideas in health and finance into simple, everyday terms. Today, we’re diving into a topic that’s all about our social and emotional health: likability. It’s a word that can feel a bit… icky, right? Like it’s about winning a popularity contest.
But that’s not what we’re talking about today. We’re exploring what it means to be a genuinely likable person—the kind of person others feel comfortable with, trust, and truly enjoy being around. Think of it as a superpower for building stronger, healthier relationships, both in your personal life and at work. It’s a huge part of our overall well-being.
I came across a fascinating article on this very topic, and it breaks down the key ingredients of what makes someone genuinely connect with others. Let’s explore these ideas together.
What Does It Really Mean to Be Likable?
Before we jump into the list of traits, let’s clear something up. Being likable isn’t about changing your personality or pretending to be someone you’re not. In fact, it’s the exact opposite! It’s about being so comfortable with yourself that you make others feel comfortable, too.
Imagine you’re building a house. You need a strong, solid foundation before you can even think about decorating. In the same way, genuine likability is built on a foundation of authenticity and respect, not on flashy “decorations” like trying to be funny or agreeing with everyone. It’s about the solid stuff that makes people feel safe and valued around you.
Lila: “Wait, John. So you’re saying it’s not about being an extrovert or the life of the party? I always thought that’s what ‘likable’ meant.”
That’s a great question, Lila! And it’s a common misconception. You can be a quiet introvert and be incredibly likable. It has nothing to do with being loud or outgoing. It’s all about how you make other people feel. The original article I read breaks this down into seven key traits. Let’s walk through them.
The 7 Pillars of a Genuinely Likable Person
Think of these as seven pillars holding up the “house” of good relationships. You don’t need to be perfect at all of them, but strengthening even a few can make a huge difference.
Pillar 1: They Are Authentic
Authentic people are real. They don’t wear a different mask for every person they meet. They know who they are, and they’re comfortable with it. This doesn’t mean they overshare or are brutally honest to the point of being rude. It just means they’re consistent and sincere. People are drawn to authenticity because it feels safe. You know what you’re getting, and that builds trust.
Pillar 2: They Are Great Listeners
Have you ever been talking to someone and you can just tell they’re only waiting for their turn to speak? That’s the opposite of good listening. Genuinely likable people practice what’s called active listening. They’re not just hearing words; they’re trying to understand the meaning and feeling behind them. They put their phone away, make eye contact, and ask follow-up questions that show they were paying attention.
Pillar 3: They Are Curious
Likable people have an open mind. They are genuinely interested in other people’s thoughts, experiences, and stories. They ask questions not because they’re nosy, but because they want to learn. This curiosity makes the other person feel fascinating and important. It’s a simple shift from “How can I impress this person?” to “What can I learn from this person?”
Pillar 4: They Don’t Judge
This one is huge. Likable people are empathetic. They understand that everyone is fighting their own battle and has a unique life story. They are open-minded and give people the benefit of the doubt. They don’t jump to conclusions or rush to criticize.
Lila: “Okay, I’m a bit confused here, John. What’s the difference between having your own opinions and being judgmental? Don’t we all have to make judgments sometimes?”
Excellent point, Lila. There’s a big difference! Having an opinion is about your own beliefs (“I personally don’t enjoy horror movies”). Being judgmental is about negatively labeling someone else for their beliefs or actions (“Only weird people like horror movies”). A likable person can hold their own beliefs strongly while still respecting that others have different, equally valid ones. It’s about being a “safe space” for other people’s ideas.
Pillar 5: They Are Consistent and Reliable
Trust is the currency of all relationships. Likable people are dependable. They mean what they say and they follow through on their promises. Their behavior is consistent, so you don’t have to guess which version of them you’re going to get today. This reliability makes people feel secure and comfortable, knowing they can count on you.
Pillar 6: They Use Positive Body Language
You can say all the right things, but if your body is sending a different message, people will believe your body. Likable people tend to have open, welcoming body language. Think about it:
- Closed Body Language: Crossed arms, avoiding eye contact, turning away. This sends a signal that you’re uninterested or unapproachable.
- Open Body Language: Uncrossed arms, smiling, facing the person you’re talking to, nodding. This is like putting a “Welcome!” mat out for conversation.
It’s a non-verbal way of saying, “I’m here with you, and I’m happy to be.”
Pillar 7: They Are Humble
Confidence is attractive, but arrogance is a repellent. Likable people are often very confident, but it’s a quiet confidence. They don’t need to brag about their accomplishments or prove they’re the smartest person in the room. They’re happy to let others shine and are quick to admit when they don’t know something or when they’ve made a mistake.
Lila: “So being humble doesn’t mean thinking less of yourself, right? It always sounded a bit like you have to put yourself down.”
Exactly, Lila! That’s a perfect way to put it. A great writer once said, “Humility is not thinking less of yourself, it’s thinking of yourself less.” Humble people are so secure in their own worth that they don’t need to constantly seek validation from others. They can focus on lifting others up instead.
Putting It All Together: A Few Final Thoughts
My take (John): When I read through these traits, I couldn’t help but think how they apply not just to friendships, but to every aspect of life, including our professional and financial worlds. Think about who you trust with your business or advice—it’s the person who listens, is reliable, and doesn’t make you feel small. These “soft skills” are actually foundational life skills that bring immense value.
Lila’s take: I found this really reassuring! It’s a relief to know that being “likable” isn’t about some secret social code I have to crack. It’s about small, genuine actions like putting my phone down when a friend is talking or just trying to be a bit more curious. It feels much more achievable than trying to be the most popular person in the room.
So, the next time you’re talking with someone, maybe just pick one of these pillars to focus on. Try to listen a little more deeply or ask one more curious question. It’s not about a total personality overhaul, but about taking small steps to build healthier, happier connections. And that’s one of the best investments you can make in your well-being.
This article is based on the following original source, summarized from the author’s perspective:
This Test Will Tell You If You’re A Likable Person (Take It
If You Dare)